Self Doubt - it's wonderful thing...

Tonight I played at Out of the Bedroom again. It was a quieter night than two weeks ago. Jamie arrived late and took a squashee slot (gets to play one song). He played “On The Inside” from his album – the last track to be added to it – in fact it wasn’t on the first version we released in December – we updated the album in January to include this new song. It was its first ever outing and drew loud applause and whooping from the audience – cool.

I played “Anything But Ill”, “The Gardener” and “Very Small” as I’d planned. “Anything But Ill” went really well but I found “The Gardener” a wee bit flat, energy wise and, by the time I’d played it, the guitar was a little out of tune for “Very Small” - but it was close enough for jazz I suppose as one wag in the audience piped up.

All in all the set went down well and once again I sold a few CDs in the break. But, personally, I was disappointed with my performance despite people telling me it was great. Different perspectives I suppose. Jamie sold a couple of albums and we both bought the Edinburgh Sound Collective’s CD from Iona Marshall.

Listening to it, the stand outs are as I would expect – Iona’s two tracks with Soulalba and Lindsay West’s two songs. Fraser Drummond’s songs are good too and the opening track from Scuff is enjoyable. The rhythms on the CD are in the main latinised which isn't wholly to my tastes and although generally great, some bits of the production work are a wee bit iffy (says production maestro – ha - not) - possibly due to different sources being used? A girl called Jess Bryant has a couple of tracks on it and people “on the scene, man” generally rave about her but I just don’t get it, I’m afraid. Her two tracks are the low points for me...and £6 is a bit steep - ha you could get 6 of my EPs for that!! Bottom line though, it's an entertaining and varied disc and you can't say fairer than that...

I was probably a bit harsh in my post the other day re OOTB – but one thing’s true – it is incredibly smoky. People who go every week may well fall foul of Roy Castle syndrome…

Got to bed around 12 and listened to my “album” version of the “Deeperdown” singles, trying to imagine what the people who bought them would think when listening. It’s one thing compiling the discs and listening to them yourself but, once they’re out there in other people’s homes, doubt creeps in – and doubt crept in. But maybe I’m just being too self critical…

Surfing the net makes me think – can anyone really get famous anymore – does anyone want to - everyone’s on the web - blogging - posting their photos (http://www.flickr.com/) - there’s so much out there it’s like 1,000,000 Channel TV - you flick and flick (click and click) - but you seldom hang around for more than a few seconds….so why do I bother with any of it? The music, the art-work, the CDs, the blogging??? Oh dear - why am I here?? – I suppose because it’s in me and needs to come out…

Ali from Impossible Songs was there tonight and we had a good laugh before the evening started. I’m puzzled by the fact that I seem to be able to entertain and perform well in a one on one situation, or in a small group, but once I’m on the stage, I kind of freeze up…I am not a charismatic performer in any way and must appear to be so up my own arse....and I am soooo nervous before I play – even just doing three wee songs in front of an appreciative room where, logically, I have nothing to worry about….. After all this time of playing live, you’d think I’d be immune to it by now – but I was feeling quite ill for over an hour last night before it was time for my slot…

Self doubt creeping in indeed…..