Coffee and cake uplift...

Playlist
Various – Classical Jukebox
Various – Music for Pam
Locke – The Broken Consort
Various – The Great Jazz Saxes
Shania Twain – Greatest Hits
The Killers - Hot Fuss
Katy Perry – One of the boys
Britten – Sinfonia da Requiem
Cat Stevens – Morning Has Broken
Rick Wakeman – The Six Wives of Henry VIII

Up at 7...

Working on Pam’s music...

To the dentist for 8:30 – nothing can be done re my wayward tooth other than either route treatment for £150 or extraction for free...

I have until mid January to decide...

Home and then out again with Anne – a trip to the docs...

On the way home we stopped off for coffee and cake...





Always an uplifter...

In the Marie Curie shop, four CDs procured...

Home again and “admin” re Pam to do with HMRC and the DWP...

Then, work on the eulogy...

Out to the hospital...

With my leg now in agony and my ability to walk seriously impaired, I went to the physio department on the off chance I might see the nice lady who helps me...

An old lady in the waiting room reading her Kindle advised her friend was in with Fiona and would not be long...

45 minutes later, no sign...

When I finally found someone to ask, I was advised Fiona only works in the mornings on a Tuesday...

An hour wasted....

Hobbled to Ward 31 and met again with the lovely nurses who cared so well for Pam for the several weeks she was here...



More “admin” re a form left with them for completion, signing and future collection...

Home for a very strong beer...



...and a tasty Mexican dish from the Exec Producer...



The final episode of “Pete Versus Life” on the Tivo was followed by a “Strictly” offshoot which drove me away...

Noted that the new CDs pushed my 20th Century classical music box set off the living room shelf after a little over 2 months...

I buy too many CDs...

Highlight of the day : Coffee and cake with Annie...

Registering the thing...

Playlist
Various – Top Albums of 2011
Various – Music for Pam
Vasks – Cantabile Per Archi
Paul McCartney – Back in the World

Up at a normal time for the first time in a long time...

Gyp now mostly in my foot rather than my back...

Back to work on matters after a "normal" weekend...

To the registrars to obtain Pam’s death certificate...

Afterwards, a trawl around the charity shops in Dalkeith – in the Cancer Research shop, a copy of a 2CD live album from Paul McCartney was secured in Pam’s honour...

To mum’s where we were joined by sister Sheila and nephew Andy...

Trying to estimate how many people might come a week today for Pam’s funeral...

The Funeral Directors came by to fill out forms and get the details before I headed home while mum and Sheila went to organise flowers...

Back home and more work on the music for the funeral, followed by “University Challenge” and the very funny and cheering up “Mongrels”...

Baltic music enjoyed again....



Highlight of the Day : Mongrels...

Brilliant music uplifts...

Playlist
Cloudland Blue Quartet – Starlightnight
Various – Top albums of 2011
Various – Music for Pam
Heinichen - Concerti Grosso
Part – Fratres

Up very early as I still can’t sleep...

Working on music for Pam...

To the store for breakfast provisions...

Breakfast then out for weekly provisions...

Car washed...





Watched “Ice Age 3”...

To Anne’s mum’s for the family tea...



Ended the day with a superb Xmas concert at Greyfriars Kirk from the Scottish Ensemble featuring brilliant music from the Baltic States by the likes of Vasks, Tuur and Part along with English stalwarts Purcell and Byrd...









Brilliant...

Uplifting...

But sad...

Highlight of the day : Brilliant music...

Trying to keep it normal...

Playlist
Various – Top Ten Albums 2011
Electric Light Orchestra – A New World Record
Alice Cooper – 2001 Live Setlist
Todd Rundgren – Faithful
Cloudland Blue Quartet – Starlightnight
Various – March-December 2011 on Shuffleplay

Up at 3:30 – couldn’t sleep...

Outside, it was snowing...



Spent some considerable time listening to my current list of top ten albums of 2011 whilst leafing through next week’s and the Xmas Special editions of Radio Times – ringing programmes I will most probably never watch...

Back to bed at 6:30...

Awoken again just after 8 by a call from Brisbane...

Spoke with Oz chum Ryan in real time for the first time – he’d called to offer his condolences re Pam...

At 10, out to the library through the snow...



...where we met with Dr Prog and I borrowed three 5CD boxes, Todd Rundgren, Warren Zevon and Sly & The Family Stone...

To Ali Bongo’s for coffee, sandwiches and cakes and chat...



Home via the fishmonger's...



...and the Queens Hall having secured tickets for tomorrow’s candlelit concert at Greyfriars Kirk...

Lovely flowers delivered...





A call to my mum re the details to be sorted for Pam’s funeral...

Then some time spent re-recording some of the vocals for the new LP and some work on the new piece from yesterday...

Tasty Sea Bass for tea and listening to music while Anne watched “Strictly” – then “Merlin” and a Woody Allen film, “Vicky Christina Barcelona”

All in all, a strangely “normal” day...

Highlight of the Day : Keeping it together...

A very sad day...

Playlist
Schumann – Complete Piano Works
Zimmerman – String Quartets 1-3
Albinoni – Complete Oboe Concerti
Corelli – Concerti Grosso
Cloudland Blue Quartet – Starlightnight

A very sad day...

Awoken at 4:15 am with a call from the hospice to advise sister Pam had just slipped away in her sleep...

She had been comfortable and in no pain and had not suffered any more seizures since the big one last Tuesday...

She had not woken since last Thursday...

Sister Sheila and my mum had visited last night and I was glad my mum was with Pam on her last night on Earth...

I arose and chose to listen to some of Robert Schumann’s piano music, the gentle pieces taking me through to 6:30, at which point I called Sheila to give her the news...

That’s the worst part, imparting the awful news...

The reaction always breaks you...

We agreed to meet at our mum’s at 8:30 to give her the news in person and so, me, Anne, Sheila and Andrew entered her house at 8:35...

Immediately my mum saw me she knew...

What a dreadful thing it is to outlive a child...

But what had happened was the best we could have hoped for in what had become a hopeless situation...

And to have Pam go so painlessly was surely a blessing – but a blessing that is very, very hard to take...

Calls to Pam’s friends and colleagues in England to let them know their dear friend was gone and further tears were shed...

Around 10, a call from the hospice to advise they were ready for us and, leaving my mum with Sheila and Andrew and their lovely wee dog Cassie, Anne and I drove over...



A talk through matters with a very nice nurse and then I went alone to Pam’s room and sat with her for a while, just chatting away about all the things we’ve done over the last year and agreeing it was good that, at last, the tumour had been defeated...

She did not laugh at my jokes today...

We took her belongings to the car and drove home...

Called my mum and agreed we’d do our best to have a “normal” weekend and deal with all that needs to be dealt with on Monday...

A conversation with the local undertaker was a necessity though and we will look to wait before saying our final goodbye with a week on Monday being the likely day...

To the PC and further e-mails to further friends, colleagues and acquaintances as messages of support and goodwill and tales of Pam’s belovedness poured in...

In keeping with the struggle for normality in the face of the event, I worked on a new piece of music, based around one of the Schumann pieces from the early hours of this morning...

That may seem strange but, for me, it was “normal”...

In the evening, with matters calmer but messages still arriving, we ordered a curry in tribute to Pam – she always loved a curry – in fact eating a curry was one of the last things she did at our house just seven short weeks ago, on the night this final phase started...

Elsewhere around the country, friends were raising glasses and having a few drinks in memory of my wee sister...

She will live on in our hearts and in our thoughts...

Pam...

Forget all the photos I've posted here of my wee sister over the last year...

Here's the real Pam...

She has slipped away but lives on in our hearts...

Sober and hobbling...

Playlist
Cloudland Blue Quartet – Starlightnight
Various – 250 Tracks of Party Music

Well now, the party tonight, for which I spent so much time preparing the music on Tuesday, took place...



However, my participation was hampered by the ongoing back problems – and no opportunity to partake of all the free drink on offer (other than three Diet Cokes)...



...as, due to continuing inability to walk, the car had had to be utilised in order to attend...

The sound system was so pathetic that the music could not be heard above the chat of the people in attendance...

Left after a couple of hours, the back pain becoming too much to take...

Back home to a grateful-to-have-their-invalid-back-in-the-house-on-such-a-stormy-night Annie and Meg the Black Cat...

Meanwhile sister Sheila has visited sister Pam over the last three nights and I will see her tomorrow for the first time since being told last Saturday that she will not awaken again...

Highlight of the Day : Getting home...

Continued non perambulation...

Playlist
Various – Last 9 Months on Shuffleplay
Van Der Graaf Generator - Godbluff

Walking now almost impossible...

Took the car into town and enjoyed a lunch at La Petite Folie with some young ladies...



Back home and unable to do much at all, other than the dishes and mope about...

Pathetic really, given what others are going through...

On that note, some time spent tonight consoling a Hemel chum of Pam feeling guilty about inability to visit and feeling really bad in general re what has befallen a best friend...

I hope my consoling was effective...

Highlight of the Day : A nice lunch...

Ripping and waiting...

Playlist
Various – Last 9 Months on Shuffleplay
Various – 250 Tracks of Party Music
Sky Architect – A Dying Man’s Hymn

Up and, not only was my Achilles very painful once again but, it would seem that, in trying to protect it in the night, I have twisted my back to the point where I can now hardly walk at all...

Nonetheless out early into the dark...

You can just see a wee star a twinkling - perhaps a star to wish upon...



Back home around 10 and spent the day ripping “party music” from various compilations to make some new compilations for a party on Thursday night...

Meg the Black Cat gave her opinion...



Wasted almost the entire day on this project whilst trying to ignore the pain in my back and pathetic attempts at perambulating...

Ripped 14 hours worth of music and whittled it down to 5 hours...

In the end I let the PC randomly pick the running order as I was getting a bit sick of the whole thing...

Collected Annie from a day away at around 7:30 – back home by 8 and spent some time watching TV before retiring reasonably early...

Highlight of the Day : Starting the project with high hopes...

Art thing missed, Art Tatum bought...

Playlist
Various – Last 9 Months on Shuffleplay
Rufus Wainwright – Rufus Wainwright
Various Composers – Neujahr’s Konzert 2011
Glenn Miller – The Very Best of Glenn Miller
Various – New Blue Horns
Art Tatum – The Tatum Group Masterpieces Vol 1
Art Tatum – The Tatum Group Masterpieces Vol 4

To the physio at The Western first thing with Annie...



Although I am too late to enter this art thing...



...my foot is sorted again and some exercises learned...

Back in ten days...

To Fopp at lunchtime – bus along, walked back...

Six discs purchased...

Not sure how often I’ll listen to Glenn Miller but brought back good thoughts of my dad and of the manufactured Miller revival of 1975...

My third Rufus Wainwright disc and I’m still not convinced...

A 2CD set of this year’s New Year’s Day concert from Vienna, which Anne, sister Pam and I enjoyed at Pam’s house in Hemel, back when things didn’t look quite so bleak and confidence was high...

Some splendid late 50’s/early 60's tracks from the Riverside catalogue and two Art Tatum discs, bought on the recommendation of brother-in-law Keith, made up the rest of the haul...

Outlay? £15...

Back home and a quiet night in with Anne...

Not feeling that great and foot gyp seemingly on the way back once again by the time I hit the sack...

Highlight of the Day : Foot fixed again – but for how long...

Life, it would seem, goes on - but it is far from fair...

Playlist
Various - Last Nine Months on Shuffleplay

Up around 5:15, unable to sleep...

Once again surfing downstairs with Meg the Black Cat...

Anne up around 8:30...

Snow...





To the store for rolls and bacon re an uplifting and supportive breakfast visit from Count Brodski and Penny...







Good times as always with Alan and Penny - an underlying sadness though...

On this Sunday last year I flew to Hemel and taught Pam the mantra "I have a brain tumour.  I'm having an operation.  I'm going to be fine"...

It seems I was wrong...

A year ago today, I went for our family Xmas meal without having told anyone of what had happened to Pam...

Today the meal fell on the same date and Alan and Penny gave us a lift over to Leith, allowing them to extend their breakfast visit to Crispycat Towers, due to our no longer having to take an hour long bus journey...

A brave face was adopted...

A very tasty tapas extravaganza was enjoyed...



Then on to nearby Sofi's for more drinks...



Not content with my thoughts of Pam, my leg had decided not to be fixed any longer and was giving me gyp...

A bus home...





An evening of phone calls to Pam's closest friends in Hemel advising them of yesterday's news...

Much sadness and upset...

Not an enjoyable experience...

"Garrow's Law" distracted the mind before bed...

Highlight of the day : Uplifting visit, family meal...

Knowing this day would come did not prepare me for its coming...

Playlist
Cloudland Blue Quartet - Souvenir XIX
Kat McKenzie - Hiding EP
Ian Sclater - It's Weird In Here
Al Stewart - A Beach Full of Shells
Alice Cooper - Along came a Spider
Laura Pausini - Primavera in Anticipo
Leann Rimes - Best Of
Various - The Classic Chillout Album
Various - Very Best of Euphoric Dance
Ella Fitzgerald - The Best of the Songbooks
Janine Jansen - Beau Soir
Various Composers - The Best of Opera
Berlioz/Dukas/Mussorgsky - Symphonie Fantastique etc

The day started quite well...

Up super early due to inability to sleep...

Surfing the net downstairs soundlessly on the I-Pod Touch...

Anne surfaced around nine...

To my mum's for 10 for a catch up visit and I promised to return in the afternoon...

Over to the hospice for their Xmas fair...





A goodly sum spent on the tombola - three prizes from twenty tickets...

A goodly sum spent in the CD and Book tent...



Seven discs procured...

Home for lunch and then took Anne to her mum's re today's Hearts match - thrashed 2-1 at home by St Johnstone (Queens moved up to 8th from 10th with a 4-1 win over Ayr Utd)...

Back to the hospice to visit sister Pam...

Visitors over the last couple of days, ourselves included, had noted Pam sleeping throughout their stays..

Upon arriving I noted Pam was sleeping again...

On mentioning it to the nurse with whom I had a had a long chat on Thursday night re Pam's situation, she took me to a room for a further chat...

Sadly, it has become clear that Pam's condition has deteriorated somewhat since her large seizure on Tuesday - indeed she has only awoken twice since Thursday morning - ideed she has hardly been awake since Tuesday evening...

And so it came to the bit...

As nicely as possible, the nurse advised that, due to a combination of the tumour and all the drugs now being constantly administered by automated pumps (due to Pam's inability to take anything by mouth), it is highly unlikely that she will ever wake again...

And so after all this time - a year of struggling and battling, it would seem it is all over...

I did not realise that, when I took the picture posted here last Monday, of my wee sister Pam smiling, that that would be the last time I would see her animated and that that would be the last time I would talk to her in the knowledge that she could hear me...

Knowing this day would come did not prepare me for its coming...

Pam's chum Liz arrived just as I reached Pam's bedside after the meet with the very nice nurse...

I did not bear up...

However, Liz was strong and she and her lovely 5 year old daughter Sky, sat with me for the rest of the visit and we chatted about Pam and all the good times and read out the mail that had been delivered in the last couple of days...

Then, a phonecall from the hospice car park to sister Sheila before heading back to my mum's to tell her the news...

Not a good day...

Not a good day at all really...

To Anne's mum's to pick her up after the game and our trip out tonight to a birthday party cancelled in favour of a quiet night in...

Life is, in general, unfair it would seem...

Highlight of the Day :

An excellent room...

Playlist
Cloudland Blue Quartet - Starlightnight
Al Stewart - A Beach Full of Shells
Kat McKenzie - Hidden EP
Ian Sclater - It's Weird in Here
Al Stewart - Bedsitter Images
Al Stewart - Love Chronicles
Al Stewart - Zero She Flies
Al Stewart - Orange
Al Stewart - Past Present and Future

Good sky this morning...





A visit to FOPP this lunchtime resulted in XTC's second album and two recent releases (2005 and 2008) from the mightily unfashionable Al Stewart entering the collection...

On the way back, the tree featured a couple of times over the last few weeks, is now leafless...



Anne brought the Cloudland Blue Mobile to me uptown before setting off to meet Munro climbing chums Sid & Debbie for a performance of Matthew Bourne's choreographed "The Nutcracker", declared later this evening to have been one of the very best ballets Anne has ever seen (and she's seen a few)...

Meanwhile I drove back home to pick up the guitar and sundry necessary accessories and then down to Kat McKenzie's to pick her and partner Dave up (along with Kat's piano) and, around 6:45 we arrived at the venue for tonight's special gig a House Concert at 42 Royal Park Terrace in Edinburgh...

A quite excellent room...

A successful soundcheck...



...including the late unexpected introduction of Ian Sclater's bassist, Dougie, indicated the sound was going to be good - although the sound onstage itself was possibly going to be difficult...

We needn't have worried...

The audience started to arrive...



..and we took to the stage just after 8...



Everything went according to plan - we played three sets, with all of us onstage throughout, ending just before eleven...

The first and third sets featured each of us playing solo, in a round robin stylee, while the second was a specially prepared set where the newly formed trio played two Ian Sclater, two Kat McKenzie and two CBQ songs - again alternating the lead vocalist...

Here's the view from my place - rather shaky I'm afraid...



It sounded pretty good by all accounts from our audients - who included chums Jamie, George and Jim...



...despite our only having had two practises prior to tonight...

The format was a big success for performers and audience alike...

Altogether we presented 32 songs to a great audience - while we were playing you could have heard the proverbial pin drop - and I managed to include four songs from the forthcoming CBQ album...

I gave everyone in the audience a copy of "Souvenir XIX" which features the 10 CBQ songs played tonight and will shortly be uploaded to the CBQ Live site for streaming and download...

Postcript June 2014 : Ian posted two videos to Youtube of our performances, around 40% of the concert:-

1. Group Performances:-
Cloudland Blue Quartet - "Twenty Twenty Vision"
Ian Sclater - "Talk to Somebody"
Kat McKenzie - "Find a Light"



2. Individual Performances:-
Ian Sclater - "Seasons Song"
Kat McKenzie - "Writing Me"
Cloudland Blue Quartet - "Kindling"
Ian Sclater - "Back on the Good Earth"
Kat McKenzie - "Hiding"
Cloudland Blue Quartet - "Everything Will Be Alright pt 1" (aka "Too Good to be True")
Ian Sclater - "She Paints Landscapes"
Kat McKenzie - "Bright"
Cloudland Blue Quartet - "Blend"




So, all in all a very enjoyable and successful evening which ended with me taking Kat and Dave home and finding, upon my return to Crispycat Towers, that I'd left the iron on all evening and left the house without setting the burglar alarm...

I think I got away with it by blaming Meg the Black Cat...



Highlight of the Day : Performing to an appreciative audience...

A little peace...

Playlist
Cloudland Blue Quartet - Souvenir XIX

Up early as ever and to the PC to mock up "Souvenir XIX" version 2...

Ripped to the jukebox for today's critical and song-learning listening...

In the evening, to the hospice and Pam slept through our hour long visit - Tuesday's seizure has taken it out of her and the now 24/7 anti-seizure drugs make her very sleepy too...

Hopefully, she'll improve over the next few days but nothing can be promised...

Sad, sad times - a year to the day since the tumour was diagnosed...

Back home, readjusting the levels on the tracks culled from various sources for the CD and then burning and putting together...



Stayed up reasonably late doing this...

Not the best day ever really...

Highlight of the Day : Pam looking peaceful despite everything...