Playlist
(Available to play at the end of this post)
Entrance Music
James Last - Mascagni's “Intermezzo aus der "Cavalleria Rusticana"”
Glenn Miller - Moonlight Serenade
Hymn
The King of Love My Shepherd Is
Reflection
Frank Sinatra - My Way
Hymn
Thine Be the Glory
Exit Music
Frank Sinatra - Love Me Tender
Tom Jones - Green, Green Grass Of Home
Elvis Presley - The Wonder Of You
The Shadows - Wonderful Land
Cliff Richard - The Young Ones
John Barry - James Bond Theme
Eulogy
Returning home in May, after 7 months in hospital, my mum found it very hard to accept that she was no longer able to move around under her own steam
In constant pain, and, more often than not, suffering from uncontrollable shaking, she was on oxygen 24 hours a day, so short of breath, that she often found it hard to speak
And so, to die peacefully, at 94, with her daughter Sheila at her side, was, in a way, a blessing, and certainly not a tragedy
So, what did she love?
She loved Complaining - about almost everything – especially me
She loved Knickerbocker Glories – or any type of ice cream, chocolate or sweets really
"Oh I'm so full after only eating half of that main course, son“ "Do you want a pudding?" "Yes please"
She loved Midsomer Murders, Morse and Heartbeat
She loved her regular visits from her old neighbour, Janette Whitley, and her weekly visits from Linda Hanley, enjoying the updates on their respective extended families
She loved her long phonecalls with Moira Paterson over in Bearsden, her friend of over 60 years, and the stories of Moira's husband Lex and daughter Lindsay
She loved her longtime Loanhead friends the Cowans, the Kirkwoods and the Telfers
From the 60's to the 80's, she loved exchanging family visits with Edith & Denny Jardine from Kilmarnock – and their six children – always a logistic challenge!
And she loved that she was still in touch with old school friends and her extended family from the West, including wee Marion; and that there were still Xmas card exchanges with old neighbours and office colleagues
And, of course, she loved her own family, especially my sister Pam – who died in December 20-11 aged just 48, my dad, Douglas – without whom, mum soldiered on for over 21 years – my sister Sheila and her husband Andrew and their kids and grandkids, and my wife Anne
And, even, Me - the son who, I must admit, spent an inordinate amount of time (65 years probably), winding her up...
I'd organise Twitter polls to see what she should have for her tea - posting up pictures of her holding the two frozen options and then getting her to make a film, thanking her followers for guiding her in the right direction
To be fair, I don't think she ever worked out what on earth I was doing
She was, however, very relieved by the poll where her followers voted that I NOT be allowed to landscape her back garden
Last month, over a couple of my, unbeknown to me, final visits with her, to avoid our conversation inevitably ending up being repeats of "did you know they've started showing "Heartbeat" from the very beginning, son", I decided to interview her for posterity, recording her memories across the decades, from the 1930s to now
So, here is my mum's life, in her own words, kind of
Born on the 31st of August 1930 in the West End of Glasgow, she was brought up on the South Side
Her mother died when she was 9, going into hospital for an operation and never coming home
At 17, she left school
Too young to study her beloved domestic science, her dad suggested the entrance exam for the civil service
She passed, and was sent to Kinning Park, where my dad, who was also just 17, worked
The office started a table tennis night. My dad got into the team and his colleagues, including my mum, went along to support them. And that's how they met
So, Sheila, and your kids and your grandkids - we all owe our existence to table tennis!
As well as table tennis, mum and dad were both keen “actual” tennis players and indeed, ballroom dancers
They eventually married in April 1955, and lived in Clarkston
Sheila was born in February the next year and mum gave up work
Her dad died that October
I was born in May 1959 and, a few months later, we moved to Paisley, where Pam was born in June 1963
At the end of 1966, we ended up in Loanhead after my dad was promoted to a job in Edinburgh
He asked at the bus station "how long is it on the bus to Penicuik and how long to Loanhead?" "Penicuik is further away" was the reply. So, Loanhead it was
Mum remained active, enjoying both badminton and Scottish Country dancing with her friends, and had many happy memories too, of our family holidays around that time
I have to mention that, in 1975, Pam was the Loanhead Gala Day Queen as, much to my chagrin, that seemed to be mum's proudest ever moment!
Just prior to that, mum had gone back to work, initially in the passport office in Rose St. Then, a chance conversation with one of my dad's colleagues resulted in her taking a part time post in Loanhead's Job Centre
She ended up managing it, before moving to Wester Hailes, then, to Shandwick Place in Edinburgh and ended her career back at Loanhead, managing both the office there and in Penicuik
Between 1979 and 1986 Sheila got married to Andrew, Pam moved to London, Anne and I got married and mum & dad's grandchildren, Andrew Jnr and Alastair came along
With all their kids having left home, mum and dad started holidaying abroad. Those holidays were highlights for mum, especially the cruises. Barcelona, Majorca, Turkey, Madeira, Jerusalem, Bethlehem, Cyprus...
Mum retired at 60. She didn't do a lot differently, she just “carried on” in her words
Meanwhile, my dad was a founder member of Loanhead and Roslin Rotary Club, so there were many conferences and dances for them to attend – and the cruises continued.
Dad retired at 65 but died just eight years later, in June 2003
Mum continued to “carry on”, still going to the Guild (proud that she'd been treasurer for 17 years), the Rural and the church (where she'd been an elder, also for 17 years)
And now she started holidaying with Pam
In 2005, she became a Great Grandmother, for the first time, on the arrival of Andy Jnr's son, Kerr
Despite her growing lack of mobility, we ensured she got along to Andy & Tori's wedding in 2013 and Ali and Julie's, five years later
She was blessed with three more great-grandchildren, Dougie, Lockie and Harris – and was looking forward to the birth next month of a first sibling for young Harris
Mum freely admitted that, in the years between 2010 and 2024, she couldn't really do much, with outings restricted to birthday and Xmas celebrations and occasional forays to the guild, the rural and the church
And, of course she was in and out of hospital rather a lot – but she always surprised us with her miraculous recoveries
Until now...
My final question to her was, “What would you like to happen in the future?”
"I'd like to feel a lot better" she said
On the Sunday before she died, I was about to travel to Madrid. I didn't know my visit that day would be my last.
As I left, I gave her a kiss on the cheek
My last words to her were “Now, don't you die before I get back!"
And so, after all these decades of me winding her up, she had the last laugh
Now, the pain's gone and the shaking's stopped
And wouldn't it be lovely if, somehow, somewhere, she really is back to her teenage tennis days, in the company of my dad and Pam?
Goodbye mum
Reflection
A wonderful turnout of family and friends from across the ages...
Mum would have been so proud and delighted by the day...
The music from today...
No comments:
Post a Comment