You may recall I forgot to make appointments for the doctor and the mechanic. Well, I finally remembered to make them last week at some point.. But I foolishly made them for the same day, at roughly the same time.
That’s why I had to deliver the car to the garage last night – so I’d be able to get to the doctor on time today.
As you’ll know from the descriptions of my current footballing ability (compared to that which I enjoyed in the past), I am what I like to think of as “slightly overweight”. Indeed, I am able to maintain this façade quite well, just as long as I don’t catch sight of myself in a shop window or mirror. Then I realise what all the facts are telling me is true.
I am obese.
My “body mass ratio” is greater than 30 – apparently 20-25 is normal, 25-30 is fat and over 30 is obese. You can work your own BMR out by – for you oldies out there- firstly, converting your weight to kilos and your height to metres. To find your BMR you multiply your height in metres by itself and divide this into your weight in kilos. Try it – it’s fun. I know quite a few people who look skinny as rakes, yet are deemed “fat” or “obese” by the BMR method.
Anyway, I need to lose weight big style, and have been needing to do it for quite some time. I was getting a blood test today (the doctor had to spike both my arms before he could find any!) and will get the results in a week or so’s time. I don’t qualify for medication as I’m not fat enough and my cholesterol levels aren‘t high enough so I need to rely on will power, of which I have virtually none. But I need to do it.
I think the easiest way for me to lose weight would be to be hit by traffic and be in a coma for six months – obviously only if there were no other side effects of having been in a coma, other than weight loss, and obviously as long as my contretemps with the traffic didn’t hurt….
I also had to consult the physician re my possible in growing toenail scenario and he advised it was likely I would need "work" done on my nail by a chiropodist.
He advised it would be £35 for the “expert” to “take a look” and around £100 for the "expert" to slice off part of my nail in the hope that it would then grow normally.
So I am out of the football squad for a couple of weeks at least, to allow the inflammation to subside and then, I may need to take out a bank loan to pay for foot surgery…or perhaps spend a bit less on CDs…
Often when I’m browsing in music shops that little voice inside my head says, “why don’t you go home and listen to some of the CDs you’ve got there?”. That’s what happened today when I was longing to buy a classical CD – any classical CD. I didn’t. I’ve not even listened to the CDs I bought in Glasgow on Saturday.
I am quite obviously mentally ill….
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